family matters

Here are some pictures of me in my dinosaur costume! And yes, the night was just as ridiculous as the getup.

I didn't end up going out on Monday night. I think I was asleep by 10? I was still recovering from the weekend, and I had an early class on Tuesday, (which I almost missed because I overslept anyway).

My brother moved to town yesterday, and I don't know how I feel about it. He has been living out east for 2 years, (albeit I lived with him for the first one). I love him to bits and we have a lot in common and get along really well, but he can be a really ignorant prick sometimes. Not last Christmas but the year before, he brought me to tears by essentially calling me fat. I cried in private, of course, and I told my mom what a dick he was. She said she would deal with it, but the next time he said anything like it she laughed and looked at me with those "oh so judgmental and condescending eyes" of hers. He has gotten better, though, (and I have lost a ton of weight, not that I was overweight to begin with). When I flew out to visit my brother in the summer his first comment was, "Geeze you are thin". (Ha!)

I guess that I am not worried he will judge me and make me feel bad about my weight. I just feel pressured to prove myself. And to keep losing weight and not gorging myself around him. I need him to see me as a strong person, (and thin of course). His being here is motivation, yes. But any small failure is going to take a huge toll on my self-esteem and sense of control. I love that he is here, but I hate what that does to me.