procrastination station

I have been sitting in the university library for 2 hours now, savouring my green tea. The longer it takes me to drink it, the longer I can put off eating. Sadly it is steadily growing colder and is starting to taste the cup its in :(. I am supposed to be working on my horticulture paper. I actually made a schedule of all I need to accomplish on it today, including breaks and stuff, but I can't bring myself to start. I'm not remotely interested in summarizing books about chickpeas. (Yes, my paper is on chickpeas). I think it will be an interesting topic, but I have to first get through the tedious reference searches and organizations of my thoughts. (Wait, maybe I should come up with some thoughts first...)

Anyways, instead of doing that I have been reading through blogs and constantly checking my e-mail. Speaking of which.... nope, still none. I did get an e-mail from Shape Magazine a few days ago though. I used to subscribe to their newsletter years ago, but things still show up in my spam a few times a month. This one was a keeper. It's a list of 50 foods under 50 calories. Here's the link: http://www.shape.com/healthy-eating/diet-tips/50-tasty-foods-under-50-calories

It's a bit of a pain to flip through all the slides, so I'm going to make a new page or something on this blog and post it summarized. It might take a while, because I have no idea how to do that, but it will take up some more of my precious time allotted for chickpea research. Excellent.

weekend

So Saturday night was AMAZING! I started drinking at my friends place around 7. We were thinking it was going to be just a few of us, sort of like a girl's night, but then her brother came with about 10 more people, so it became a bit of a house party before we left for the bars. I knew almost everyone there, but I haven's seen them in almost 3 years, so it was like meeting them all over again.

We went downtown and danced for a few hours at a bar. Not too many good looking guys though. I did manage to find one guy to dance pretty hard with, but according to my friends later he was about a 5. Thanks for the heads up guys, I can really count on you. Oh well, its all for laughs anyways.

We got back to the house around 3 and my one friend and I got into the hot tub. Her brother and his friends showed up a little later and came in with us. By that time I was royally fucked and drinking whiskey from the bottle, (very classy). We were in the hot tub for like an hour and I'm surprised none of us passed out. Anyways, we all passed out in the basement after that.

All in all it was a really god, drunken night. Oh, and did I mention that I now have an enormous crush on L, one of the guys there? Well, I do. He is absolutely gorgeous and has the most perfect personality ever. We are all going out again in 2 weeks, so I plan to be down 5lbs by then. I think I can do it if I really focus. I would like to look like this please:

a good start

This week has been going surprisingly well! Its not that surprising, I guess; the first few days usually do. Thursday night I usually fall into a downward spiral of eating and hating myself until Monday morning. Not this week though. This week I promise to stay positive and strong, and to step around the mouth of the weekend's dark pit.

Yesterday was a great day. I met an old friend, who I have not seen in years, for coffee. She is so lovely and thin, and I am happy that we are finally reconnecting. Actually, her and I and some other of my friends, (that I have not seen in forever, too), are going downtown to the bars on Saturday. I am so excited! This is just another reason to stay away from binging this week - I want to be slim so they all think to themselves "Wow, she looks great!" Selfish, I know, but its either that or "Tsk, she really put on weight". I'm over dramatizing a bit, of course. These people are not that shallow.

it's been a long time coming

Let me just say that it is about damn time that I write a blog post. For the last, oh, 2 years I have been playing around with the idea of making a blog, designing various templates, without ever doing anything with them. Until now.

Why now? Because I'm fat. And because I can't seem to get my shit in order to lose weight. This past winter I managed to lose 24 lbs. And I felt great. In the last 2 months, though, I have put 10 of them back on. What's worse is that I don't seem to care. Well, I do care, but I guess I care more about eating tubs of ice cream and drinking beer. What is wrong with me? Where did my self-control and determination go? Must have been crushed under the weight of my ass.

From here on out, though, I am not taking any orders from food. I will rediscover control, and the thin girl that is trapped inside this body and is screaming to get out. Every time I think of her, I get excited - excited that she will soon be real, me.