day 7

Breakfast:

1 apple

Lunch:

1/2 cup oatmeal

1 banana

Dinner:

2 cups lentil parsnip soup

1 slice bread

1 cup cabbage slaw

2 lemon ginger cookies

I feel like I ate wayy too much today. But I didn't. Not really. Maybe I am just feeling the effects of soup for dinner because it is so filling. I made it from pretty much any leftover veggies in the fridge. Parsnips, carrots, onion, eggplant, apples, ginger, and lentils of course. It turned out really well, too. And there is about another bowl left; just enough for a light lunch tomorrow, (must be fate).

I need to quit it with the cookies. I baked them on Sunday, and there is still a bunch left. That's my biggest issue with home baking: the recipes make wayyy too much. I wish I could just make a single cookie, or cupcake. Just a taste, when I feel like I deserve it. But noo, three dozen later and I am swimming in baked goods and potential calorie overload. Why does the adage "Go big or go home" have to apply to everything?

day 6

Breakfast:

1 apple

Lunch:

1 banana

2 slices quinoa bread

Dinner:

1 cup spinach salad

grande unsweetened soy green tea latte

Evening:

1 clementine

5 slices cucumber

1 lemon ginger cookie

I am positively drained. I wrote two exams today (nutrition and horticulture), and now I feel like I could collapse into a little puddle of exhaustion. (Actually, that sounds rather more inviting than pathetic). The exams went well, although I am not surprised considering I don't remember doing much other than review the past four days. Sadly, I have to write chemistry and psychology on Saturday, so I am back at it tomorrow. But tonight I will be catching up on Michael Tuesdays and Thursdays, (a new show on CBC that I have become addicted to), and reading. And sleeping.

When I rode the bus home after my night exam, I felt nauseous. I think it was partly because my brain is fried, (info overload!) and partly due to my poor diet today. I think my glucose levels are pretty low, so I had a clementine and some cucumber and a cookie when I got home. I feel a little better now, but I am calling it a day. I need to find balance so that I don't burn out.

day 5

Breakfast:

1 apple

Lunch:

1 cups tomato squash soup

1 cup green salad with 1 tbsp pumpkin seeds

2 slices quinoa bread

Dinner:

1 cup mushroom jambalaya

2 lemon ginger cookies

day 4

Breakfast:

1 apple

Lunch:

1 cup cabbage sautee in a spinach wrap

1 tbsp tapanade

1 clementine

Dinner:

2 cups tomato squash soup

2 slices quinoa bread

2 lemon ginger cookies

1 glass red wine

CW: 107 lbs

I am happy with today's intake. When I was eating, I was focussed on what I was eating, not what I was planning to eat next, which is a big change. I am going to keep working on this habit.

Last night at like 2 am, a guy I went to high school with texted me. I'm pretty sure he has been in love with me since grade 12, but I don't feel the same way towards him. At the end of every semester, he starts texting me because he wants to hang out, and he is going to be in town, (he lives 5 hours away). I always try to avoid him. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the guy, I just don't want to get into a situation where I have to level with him. I wish we could just hang out as friends, and I could feel comfortable knowing that his thoughts were purely platonic. And he is always clearly drunk when he texts me, which just makes it worse because he calls me pet names like "bunny" and calls me beautiful. Ugh, it's too weird. Especially at 2 am when its wakes me up from a lovely dream where I am back together with my ex :(

In more positive news, I was invited to a party next Saturday. I am not sure if I am going to go yet; depends who else is planning to go. Only a few of my circle were invited; (it's at my best friend's, brother's girlfriend's place). The guy that I like is going, so I want to go, (I feel like such a 12 year old girl when I say that).

day 3

Breakfast:

1 apple

Lunch:

l clementine

Dinner:

1 roasted potato

2 cups cabbage sautee

1 glass red wine

I went to the market today and bought some squash. I am going to make a soup tomorrow for dinner, and bake some quinoa bread. Mmm.

I think I might make myself some oatmeal later tonight. Or some popcorn, I haven't decided. I hope everyone is doing well, and keeping warm. It's bloody cold here. Yayy tea :)

day 2

Breakfast:

1 apple

Lunch:

salad - 2 cups raw veggies, 1 tbsp pumpkin seeds, 2 tsp maple balsamic dressing

Afternoon:

black coffee

Dinner:

5 bean curry in a roti, apple cider

I am thrilled with how I feel right now. Usually, after eating out I feel all stressed and in a depressive, binge mindset. Not today. I went to a funny little downtown cafe for dinner. The interior is covered with bright murals of toucans and tropical fish, and they serve water in bright plastic cups. And the tables have place mats. PLACE MATS! How twee. I decided not to have any alcohol after all. I wasn't feeling it. And when the dessert menu came around I politely declined and had an apple cider instead. I think it is my new favourite treat. It's the perfect amount of sweet and warmth.

Today was hard, though. I was at home all day studying, and I was looking for ways to procrastinate. I kept having remind myself that food is not the answer. But I got through it, and tomorrow will be easier. I am going out most of the day, and I have today's success as a platform. :) I refuse to screw this up.

day 1

I realized today that, on the days that I feel like a failure to my weight loss goals, I didn't wake up with a plan. I jumped in headfirst, (and backwards, too, no doubt), and floundered. What I need is structure. I thrive off of planning and organization. Being disorganized stresses me out, and stress is not conducive to good decisions, and feelings of success and calm.

This revelation has sparked an idea in me. A Christmas Countdown Diet. I want to be 104 lbs on Christmas, (well, the 24th, because that is the day of my family dinner, and there is no way I won't weigh at least a few extra pounds more on the 25th ). From now till then, I am going to have a plan. Not necessarily a strict one, but a plan so that I can have small successes each day, and reach an ultimate success of 104 lbs.

I weighed this morning. 110 lbs. wtf. I blame my celebratory vanilla latte last night, after finishing my last class. No regrets. I also took a picture of myself. Something to compare to in a month. I think my thighs could stretch from here to the moon, but I am not going to let that get me down. Motivation, right?

Okay, so here is the daily plan:

• 1 L water, minimum
• 2 mugs tea (2 cups each), minimum
• 45-60 minutes physical activity
• go outside for some fresh air
• 5 servings vegetables
• breakfast is an apple
• no more than 1 oz nuts (I seem to have an addiction; at least it has moved from nut butter to raw nuts)
• do not eat past 8 pm
• no snacking between meals, or when preparing food
• if "famished", 1/2 cup of raw veggies is acceptable, and a large glass of water
  

And, because I believe in rewards, or daily "treats", and because I love those advent calendars with the horrible (read:wonderful) cheap chocolate, every day I will plan something nice. Maybe a special food, or an activity, depends. I am not going to plan ahead for the next 24 days, of course. Maybe a few days in advance, at most, I will have an idea of what I will do, (it cannot be a careless whim, of course). Tomorrow, since it is Friday and I will be going out to dinner, I may have a beer. No dessert. Nothing fried. Veggie burger and salad, probably; (there is never much choice for a vegan). Enjoy it, too. Mind the moment.

I might come up with more daily "rules", and will post them as they come up. But for now, this is a good start. I think I will try to post every day, too. Even just to acknowledge the day, and to remind myself that I am accountable for tomorrow.