Well, this weekend was a total bust. I think that I built up some seriously unrealistic expectations and had some major let downs because of it. First, let me talk about Friday. I was really looking forward to going out drinking with my friends and planned to eat very little all day, but I ended up binging on pizza before I went out. I consoled myself by thinking that it was better to be drinking on a full stomach, and from experience, pre-drink pizza is usually a safe bet. I've never had a bad night after eating pizza for dinner. I just wish I had stopped at one slice.
Anyways, I went to my friend's place and proceeded to get thoroughly blitzed. L wasn't there :(. Apparently he bailed last minute to hang out with some girl, and apparently they are in some weird relationship limbo where he really likes her but she is really aloof about her feelings. I don't know, and I have decided that I don't care, either. I am over him, (not that I was ever under him). I don't know him that well, so it seems a little ridiculous to be obsessing over him. There was another guy at the party who was hitting on me all night. He's a nice guy and all, but just as a friend. He has a girlfriend, too, (she wasn't there), so it was definitely a little weird. He has been texting since Friday night, and I'm not sure how to shake him off. I usually ignore these ones, and it has been working up till now. Hopefully he loses interest.
In all, Friday night was a pretty good time. I got drunk, rode a Ferris wheel, and woke up in a familiar place. What more could I wish for? Maybe a perfect Saturday of fasting, as per usual? Only if life was fair, which it isn't. Got home early, and proceeded to eat the biggest, greasiest breakfast of eggs and cheese on toast that I could manage. And I basically kept eating garbage all day, and watched movies while laying on the couch. I also drank a ton of OJ, and I never drink juice. No, being hung over is not a valid excuse. I could have at least attempted some form of self control. Ugh, I'm so disappointed in myself.
Yesterday wasn't much better, being Thanksgiving and all. I had planned to fast so that I could have a regular feast, but I ate breakfast and a big lunch. And then I had a big dinner anyways. *Sigh.
Today, however, was great. I had an apple for breakfast, 1 c of spinach salad for lunch, and a little bit of leftover veggies from dinner last night. I made a sincere promise this morning not to binge until Christmas, (and that doesn't mean that when Christmas hits it's a free-for-all). I am really going to change my habits. I am going to focus on a controlled diet, and shed some weight. Every week I am going to come up with some goals to focus on, too. This week's goals:
1. Do not binge
2. Do not eat past 7:00, (8:00 on Thursdays and Saturdays when I have a late dinner)
3. Breakfast = 1 apple and green tea (I find that if I start my day off right, I work harder not to screw it up the rest of the day).
I know I can do this. I want to be in control again. And these goals are easy, I'll be embarrassed if I fail at them, giving me even for incentive.
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