just this once could be the start of forever

I ate dinner after Zumba as usual, but for the first time, like, ever, I didn't overeat! Usually when I get home from fitness class I am starving, and I eat everything in sight. And I use the fact that I just burned a ton of calories as an excuse. It's not really a binge. Well, maybe a mini-one. I only eat slightly more than a normal person would, but I never feel full. Only when  I leave the kitchen does it hit me. The fullness, the guilt, the self-loathing. Not today, though. When I got up this morning I promised myself I would practice self-control, and for once I came through.

I feel strange, but in a good way. My body is confused but my mind is clear, (usually it is the other way around).

Control is rare right now. I am in the middle of midterms, which means that for the next eight weeks I am under massive school pressures. Midterms, then papers, then finals. Plus keeping up with notes and labs. All the while trying to get thin. Impossible, it seems. Sometimes I convince myself that I should eat normally, because I need the brain food to do well in my classes. But then I eat garbage, and feel bad, and mope, and then do no schoolwork anyways. I think I am using food to procrastinate. It needs to stop.

I will not procrastinate by eating. I will not procrastinate. Schoolwork can't be as hard accepting failure and defeat! Nothing is that hard!