Sunday, January 15, 2012

yo yo diet

Why do I bother eating at all? I don't enjoy it. I hate when people see me eat. I hate eating around people because I hate watching them eat. And after I eat, I feel like a fat whale. So seriously, why do I even bother?

This is not necessarily a rhetorical question, but if you are waiting for an answer, I don't have one.

I keep telling myself, "It's okay to eat this big bowl of oatmeal , or spoonful of peanut butter. It's okay because you are still committed to losing weight and you will, eventually, be thin." Riiiight. My fat ass I will. It's like saying I am committed to conserving water as I let the taps run freely. I am either committed, or I am not. YES or NO. So which is it?

YES!!!! YES YES YES! Is there any other answer? But I need to do more than just state it, because it has clearly gotten me nowhere. I need to act on it, with conviction. No more of this "Oh, you will be thin, but since right now you are still a fatty you can eat it." Writing that down it doesn't even make sense. Every time I slacken the reins on my self control I fall behind schedule. I negate progress. EVENTUALLY has become NEVER.

Not any more. Now every time I don't eat lunch, or I drink an extra glass of water, or I run an extra mile, I will tell myself that I am that much closer to my UGW. And every time I have another bite, or put sugar in my coffee, or skip a workout, I will have ruined any progress. This plateau is my own doing. I am yo-yoing day by day, and it needs to stop.




These are the things I want. That I dream about. But it will take effort, I know that. So why do I keep telling myself eventually?

1 comment:

  1. you go girl! its incredible and oh so inspiring how close u are to ur UGW! U can sooo do this! Only a couple lbs more! U can definitely persevere thru this and get there!!! I know...i hate eating too yet I find myself eating anyway and i just feel so awful but the logical side of me tells me "to survive" and other times I don't have a choice (ppl so u dnt appear abnormal)...thats why its called an eating disorder...food is the devil!!! but we can't help but be human beings:( either case YOU WILL GET THERE soon<3

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